July 23rd

Today I finally forgave myself! During our worship service I let everything go. I truly feel a burden lifted off of my shoulders. Jesus said that he will be there in times of need and right now He is needed. Let me say that it feels GREAT! I was holding a grudge against myself for the past seven plus years. So today was the day that I finally arrived in Garden Valley. It’s so exciting to be here ready to serve God! The greatest part is that everybody is so God-centered. What blew me away was that people new me without even knowing me. I was talking with Rachel, all we shared was that she is going to Panama and I am going to Dallas. Out of know where she says that I have a great testimony. That really struck me as odd only because she doesn’t even know me. It was really hard to open up at first. We started walking up the long hill to our bunks and each step of the way it was easier and easier to talk about me and my life. I told her I was in a juvenile facility and she thought that was the best thing ever! I told her that Harrison (my brother) had a better testimony with his cancer and the so many lives that he touched. He never gave up- not even at the end. I constantly gave up in life. Rachel just turned it around on me saying that it was great that I still came on this trip, even after all that has happened. It made me feel that I was taking away from him by having her say how great it is for me. Strange as it is, her story is way different than mine, but at the same time very similar. We got to our bunks before I could really finish and I think she had more to say as well, maybe tomorrow we can finish. Some of us are going to Dallas and yet some are going else where. It’s all where God wants us to be!

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have because God has said “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5


July 24th

I have learned a lot today. I really stepped it up and displayed my leadership quality. We did a few strategy games. Trying to fit twenty people on a square piece of wood that is designed to only hold 10 was quite the challenge. At times I felt as though I wasn’t heard, and at those times I need to step it up and show everybody who God wants me to be. During one of our activities we had two logs with rope attached to them. It was like we were going skiing. The group practically shoved me as their fearless leader~ We had to move ten people on these skis to the orange cone and back. At first it was easy. We would count- “one, two, three, right. One, two, three, left. One, two, three, right. One, two, three…” Then, because we were doing better than the other group they made the person in front stand on the “wooden skis” backwards. That person just so happened to be me. Ha Ha Ha. Then we couldn’t count so we made animal noises. Soon they took that away and made us sing. Then we had to be quiet. Needless to say I am very proud of myself for taking charge of such a task, and being able to pull it off. I am so excited for the missionaries to show up, mostly because I can share my story with them. I have been holding back so much and it’s different when you are totally surrounded by God. I just need to let everything flow out. Tomorrow we find out who will be MA’s (Missionary Advisors). I hope it’s me! But if not, it’s all in God’s plan. I am still very proud of myself! That’s all the counts


July 25th

WOW The missionaries came today- I thought I knew everybody on the Dallas trip, but it just grew. It was really cool to see everybody coming in and what countries they were going to. Lindsay is from Virginia Minnesota Finally someone from my neck of the woods. She wanted to know my story, so I shared it. Well…part of it anyway. It was easier this time. Later on we played a tag game and by hooking up with someone you got to know them. My story just kept flowing out for some reason. I don’t know, everybody thinks it’s great that I came from a facility. Honestly I can’t thank God enough for it but it was so emotionally hard for me. I don’t know. God put me there to help me and then for me to help others. I think it’s strange, but people keep looking at me as if they already know me and what I’ve done without really knowing me at all. Its funny, random people just walk up to me and say “you’re a great guy”. “You have a great testimony”. To me, I have to wonder, do I have a sign on display somewhere?


July 26th

After worship it was our quiet time. I took the responsibility of watching Joshua (A young man who is visually impaired). I asked him where he wanted his quiet time and he told me that he wanted to sit by the fountain because he likes to listen to the water shoot up and splash down. We got outside and it was raining! I didn’t want to stay but Joshua did. I chose to stay for Joshua who was lifting is hands to the Lord In my heart I wanted to go inside and have Joshua call for me when he was ready to go. For some reason I just let the water pellets hit me as I thought about why I was still sitting in the rain. After awhile it felt pretty good. Not because of the rain but because Joshua was HAPPY! It feels really good to do something I don’t like just so that others are happy. I guess it was interesting that I just sat there and did nothing. Maybe I was lazy but for whatever reason I wouldn’t move. I was trying to write in my journal and didn’t dare because of the rain. Thoughts just flew randomly through my head that, I should sit under the hang-over by the door, ask someone else to keep an eye on him etc. But even just sitting there I felt a change. Inside I spoke up and said to myself that there is a man who needs my help and I am here to serve. So I just sat and thought about what I was doing. It made me realize that I have to give up some things in life, be it small or big to serve God. God really opened my heart to the enjoyment of sacrifice.


July 27th

It’s amazing how people notice me for doing the smallest of things. They seem to give me praise of which I don’t think I deserve. I am great because I was called to be great. God handpicked me from the fires of Hell to lead his people home! There are 112 people going to Dallas and I get the notion that some of these people here think that I am like a savior to them. I am NO savior. Just a servant! Right before quiet time I had a girl, Kristina, come up to me and tell me that I am awesome. I told her everybody tells me that and yet no one knows me. She said that she doesn’t know me either but she sees Jesus in me. The way that I was helping out Joshua was amazing. She said that not many people would do that but I beg to differ. My excuse for helping out Joshua was that if I were blind, I wouldn’t want to stumble around in the dark all by myself. I don’t know maybe I am different. Do normal people justify their actions like that?



July 27th

This day was so moving. Just being around Godly people is an awesome experience! Worship was as equally phenomenal! Everybody broke down and began to cry. Even the ones that I didn’t think would cry! We went for a walk outside. The whole place was lit by fire light. That was an amazing event. At our destination there was a cross planted in the ground. The sounds of everybody crying made me cry. I don’t know why. I began to pray for everybody that was going on this trip except one person- ME I don’t know why but I forgot to pray for myself. The amazing part is, God takes care of me. In my bible I have a paper about Harrison. I was reading it and began to cry- this was during our lunch break. Kristina sat down and asked if I was going to be ok. I really didn’t want to talk about it, so she asked if there was anything that she could pray for. I told her a little bit of the situation and she began telling me how strong I am and how God will use me for the good of mankind. Sometimes I don’t think it’s what we do as long as we do it!

“Now you, brothers, are like children of promise.” Galatians 4:28


July 28th

Today is the day that we leave for Dallas Our training is over, now it’s time to hit the battle field! I thought that going on this trip I would learn from the people we will be ministering to but I was wrong. Not saying that I won’t, but the people here are so God-filled that it fills me! I have truly become a servant of God and made Godly relations a priority in my life, it’s so amazing!

July 28th

What is forgiveness?
The pressure is full
The bottle is capped
It knows not when to explode
Tying the noose
Thunder rolls in
Gallows are towering
Rain drenches me in sin
My right foot is first
These eyes begin to shed tears
Following is my left
Sadness resides with all of my fears
I knew this was coming
The day after I died
I wish that right now
I was only alive
The rope slides over my head
But the crying stops
Because Jesus rose me
To the very top!


July 29th

Today we finally had our ministry take place! Our group, Beloved Children of Promise, as we are now called, broke up into small groups and we went door to door trying to get kids to come to our VBS. At our first site we arrived late and no kids showed up. Sammie suggested that we pray. Prayer works wonders! After our prayer a few kids showed up with the other MIG (ministry Group), but we were leaving by then. They said that they would come back tomorrow with their friends and I am really excited for that. Our afternoon site was excellent! Lots of kids showed up and two said they wanted to follow Jesus I only talked to Xavier but he really seemed to know what he was up to. It was kind of neat because we got to play games with the kids; we did a skit on how John had to leave his job as a fisherman to follow Jesus. It was really a good skit for the lack of props we had. We had a third site to go to that was just thrown at us for the afternoon/evening. We were supposed to tell the story of Zacchaeus. I don’t know why, but we never got to that. A few Hispanic people began playing soccer- Dan and I were talking about joining them but when their crowd grew, we lost interest. Instead we began playing guitar and singing songs about God. The men began clapping and nodding their head to the beat of the songs. It was so cool. Soon after, you could see people leaning out their windows and doors to listen in. That was God working too


July 30th

Today was a bit different. First, we had a full day of ministry, meaning that at both of our sites there were kids At our first site we had loads of fun. Kenya gave us all nicknames because she didn’t want to know our real names. At first she thought my name was Jordan and called me that for awhile but changed it to “orange-shirt.” It is very important to connect with these kids and I think that by playing with them, bringing out the inner child within ourselves, we can reach a level like no other. At the end of our first site we broke up into two groups: boys and girls. Jesus and Juan were the only boys in our group. Jesus was very unsure of himself when it came to the question of following Christ or not. Juan just didn’t understand, maybe he is still too young. I do have hope for these two as it seems that there is a small bit of curiosity toward the Jesus thing. Our second site was very chaotic. J. R. likes to act all tough He thinks he is better than most… He really doesn’t want to hear about Jesus. I think it’s because he’s afraid of his reputation. Then something happened that really struck me. A little boy was wondering close to the fence where on the other side was construction. A kid ran up to me and told me to “save” this boy. Even though some of these kids act tough, still some are looking out for others! As we were getting ready to leave Dan and I began talking to a boy about following Jesus; I think Ryan might have been there too. I started probing him with questions. Right as the bus came he said that he wanted to follow Jesus but he didn’t know how. Dustin came over and asks him some of the same things I did, just to see where he is at. We all prayed with him You could just see this boy’s face change with excitement

“But you, O God, are my king from old; you bring salvation upon the Earth.” Psalm 74:12


July 31st

Wow Today was really enjoyable. At our second site these two sisters, Amilie and Nae could not get over me. They are six and seven and don’t speak English. It was cute because they think that I speak Spanish! But I suppose when your that age everybody speaks the same language as you. I think because I am almost six feet tall might have a factor in why they ran to me so much. They always wanted to ride on my shoulders. When one was done it was the other one’s turn. I cannot speak much Spanish but I know they were fantasizing that I was their horse. They would slap me and tell me to “hurry up!” Except for the heat I could do this all day long. It was so much fun. It’s sad because tomorrow is our last day with the kids and I think it will be hard to leave, maybe… God has placed me here to touch lives and I know I have I have touched the lives of my peers as well as the lives of the children that I have interacted with

August 1st

Today was our last day of VBS and it’s sad. Time has gone by so fast here. I just love Amilie and Nae! They always want to ride on my shoulders and have me chase people. They love my camera and hat. Although they don’t speak English, our communication has improved. Maybe I’ll see them again one day… mazingly we went to the mall to minister After awhile security caught on and began telling our groups that we could not minister because this is private property. When word of this came to my group I wanted to talk to a security guard but my team said no. I cannot leave the team- it’s the rule Our group seemed to have a set back because no one knew how to talk to someone from the streets. It was difficult and uncomfortable. We managed to speak to a few people who were already Christians- praise the lord! But it felt disappointing that we couldn’t do more. Other groups seemed to have much more success than we did, but how do you measure success? Just as we were leaving I was feeling like we failed our mission so I began shouting out “Jesus loves you,” “God bless,” and other such “holy profanities.” I got some evil looks which made me feel really good


August 2nd

Today we went back to our ministry site; we were going to do a church service but couldn’t get anybody to come. Yes, we still did worship but the atmosphere was down. We started doing worship songs but no one seemed into it. I guess it was kind of depressing- a hot day, no one to work with. I just sat and meditated on what I was doing on the trip. Was it good enough? What could I improve on? Sometimes I just like to listen to the sounds of nature. Just sitting in silence seems to really takeover all of the bad that is going on in life and release the good. We went to Kroger’s that night and people went crazy on buying loads of junk food. It was crazy I know what it’s like to work at a grocery store when it gets full of people buying a lot of stuff! I bought batteries and a bag of cheetos. I was sharing my cheetos with others because I am not a big eater. Not many people like them except for Sammie and Caitlin. As the MA’s were called to leave I told them that they could have my bag and eat it all! I guess to them it didn’t make sense. They both gave me a weird look, like I was crazy. Maybe I’m too giving… I met a guy who was very curious about why we had such a large number of people. I began telling him about Global Expeditions and gave him their number. He is from Africa and says that he wants to help those less fortunate How great is that He said that he will only go as long as he doesn’t get paid for it! I don’t know if he is a Christian but his heart is in the right spot


August 3rd

Today was really scary because Alex was having trouble breathing~ on the verge of passing out. I was just looking at her, and to see her shaking, her face all read, shaky breathing, I was really scared. The paramedics were called in and the rest of us were moved to the bus. Sammie and I took a few kids and then we got back to the bus and everybody was praying, so we joined in. After the prayer they resumed their daily activities but I was still shaken up about the whole ordeal. I was so worried because it looked so bad. We went out to eat and Oksana asked me how much a drink was. I told her that I didn’t know and asked if she needed any money. She said that Alex did. I gave her money but told her not to tell Alex. I don’t know why but I did. I made a phone call and had people pray for her. As long as she didn’t find out I was ok. Sometimes I think it’s the quiet things that mean the most.

August 4th

Today I found out that Oksana told Alex what I had done. I don’t think it was that bad but I didn’t really think it should have been know of my services, it kind of bothers me. We were on our way to six flags. I know that I can’t handle rides, probable because of my shunt but I don’t know. I went with a group that wanted to go on roller coasters because they need and MA. Rachel wanted to go on a ride and the rest of the group didn’t. I made the decision that we will go on it regardless of how dumb it looks. I started to get sick so we had lunch. Somehow I got pulled into the Batman ride. I didn’t want to go on the ride but I did. It wasn’t that bad. Then we went on the Mr. Freeze ride. I thought I was going to throw up. Rachel seemed to be the only one concerned for me and I admire that in a person. It says a lot when others are caring not for themselves, but for others I felt really bad that I wasn’t able to go on any rides so we met up with Valentine’s group. I was glad that my group could still go on rides! All and all it was a good day.


August 5th

I woke up today and couldn’t move my right leg. This isn’t anything new- it happens about once every few months or so. I began thinking about one of or sessions where he said, God wants to heal all us. Does God want to heal my knees? On the bus ride back I was thinking about how Harrison’s cancer was not healed and that he was still able to touch lives all the way to the end. So I don’t know if God WANTS to heal everybody or if He just does. Today was really sad because our ministry is now done and we are back in Garden Valley. I wish I could have stayed out there longer than what we did. It’s funny that I really don’t miss anybody from back home. But I think that my love for them has transfer to my love for everybody on the trip. I love everybody here just like I love my family, they are my family. It’s amazing to think of how much I have learned In our group we began to say things about each other. I went first so everybody said things about me. I started to cry but I don’t know why. They told me that I am a servant and am always looking out for the well being of others, holding doors etc... I felt so guilty accepting their compliments because this is God, not I, that allowed this to happen. He made me who I am. A lot of the people here have affected me through even the smallest of ways. It’s AMAZING The sad part is they’ll never know how much I have been impacted by them on this trip.


August 6th

The day grew to be a sad day only because it was our last day together. I thought about getting a picture of me with everybody from out group but I didn’t. Walking around at the basketball courts seemed to be fine, even in the auditorium, saying good-bye was ok. I bet I said good-bye to the same people at least five times each. At ten-thirty I was in my bunk, just like I was supposed to be, but I came out to brush my teeth and began to socialize. Cameron, Sarah, Lisette and I began to pray. It was really good to pray together. I began to cry but only because I miss everybody already and we’re still here. Our group grew in size, Josh, Sammie, Alex, Caitlin, Valentine etc. Even though we are leaving our love for one another is still strong and unchangeable. We are already talking about going on another trip together. I must admit I lied today. Dan lost part of his ear ring so I said he could have mine, but he didn’t want it because I only have one. I said I have another one in my bag. I really don’t. But then I got to thinking, why do I wear an ear ring anyway? I don’t know but I don’t think I will wear one when I get back. Was it that bad that I lied, I don’t know, but sin is sin.


August 7th

I woke up at five this morning still on the mindset that it was just another day, but then I realized that half of our team was gone and I wish I could have been up earlier. I said that I wanted to stay but with our team gone I now wanted to go home. I began thinking of everybody from the trip and how I love them all so much. I was in love with everyone only it wasn’t a boyfriend-girlfriend love. It was stronger Dan, Sammie, Sarah, Lisette, Dustin, Caitlin, Alex, Rachel, Valentine, Bianca, Ryan, Christian, Vince, Xavier, Josh G, Rebecca…the list could go on and on. I wish I could write all one-hundred and something people down, but that would take forever! I have learned so much from this trip and really enjoyed having everybody come with me.